Walking with Grief: Insights from Saint Therese Pastoral Care Directors

Barb Hemberger • August 29, 2025

“There is no timetable for grief; it unfolds in its own way, in its own time.” – Unknown


On August 30, we pause to honor Grief Awareness Day—a reminder that grief is both universal and deeply personal. At Saint Therese senior living communities, grief is not an abstract idea. It is woven into the daily lives of residents, families, and caregivers alike.


To better understand this journey, we spoke with five of our pastoral care directors, who accompany people through life’s most difficult transitions. At Saint Therese, we are proud to have full-time pastoral care directors in our communities, ensuring that compassionate spiritual support is always present. Their reflections remind us that grief is not something to “get over,” but something to live with, honor, and grow through.


Grief in Daily Life at Saint Therese


Each director shared that grief extends beyond the moment of death. It includes the loss of independence, the decline of health, the move into senior living, or even the passing of a fellow resident or staff member.


  • Duane Bauer of Saint Therese of Woodbury emphasized the importance of normalizing grief. “What would it be like if you didn’t grieve your spouse? We grieve because we were in relationship. A new normal has to come out of it.” His role, he says, is to listen more than talk, to walk alongside without judgment, and to create sacred moments of farewell such as “sacred sending” rituals for families and staff.


  • John Ilkka at Saint Therese of Oxbow Lake speaks about grief as a deeply personal and non-linear process. He emphasizes that there are no “magic words” to take away someone’s pain. Instead, his role is to listen, provide space, and reassure people that whatever they are feeling is valid. “The simplest thing is, whatever you’re feeling is ok. Grieving takes time, and it’s hard work,” he shared. For John, honoring grief means letting people lead the way—sometimes needing presence, sometimes needing space—and always being authentic.


  • Beth O’Hare-Fisher at Saint Therese – IHM Senior Living often encounters grief during visits, when new residents open up about the loss of a spouse or sibling. She organizes Circles of Sharing, where residents gather to name and remember those who have died. For her, the key is acknowledging loss and affirming feelings without rushing the process.


  • Mollie Dvorak of Saint Therese of Corcoran speaks passionately about anticipatory grief—the mourning that begins even before a loved one passes. She uses books like Tear Soup: A Recipe for Healing After Loss, and The Invisible String to help residents and staff process emotions. For her, grief is not something to fix, but something to witness with compassion.


  • Mary Lou Swinerton of Saint Therese St. Mary of the Woods adds that grief is a life event that encompasses the whole community. “It requires that we recognize that our Saint Therese community is bigger than our specific place. The entire community—residents, families, and staff—grieve. We must recognize this collective grief, name it, and honor it. It may be a sudden death of a resident’s son across the country, a memorial service for a resident’s loss, or even the bittersweet moment when someone leaves the community to be closer to family. Journeying with residents and staff in grieving means understanding that grief is not a one-size-fits-all event.”


Together, these directors show us that grief is not just about endings—it is also about presence, memory, and care.


Gentle Practices for Navigating Grief


From these conversations, five guiding practices emerge:

1.       Give Yourself Permission

Grief doesn’t follow a timetable. It can show up as sadness, anger, relief, or even laughter. Whatever you’re feeling is valid.


2.       Tell Your Story

Sharing memories of a loved one keeps their presence alive. Whether in a support group, a circle of remembrance, or over coffee with a friend, storytelling helps heal.


3.       Lean into Community

As Duane noted, grief is less overwhelming when shared. Find a faith group, a grief support circle, or simply a trusted listener.


4.       Practice Self-Care

Grief can exhaust body, mind, and spirit. Be gentle with yourself. Rest, eat well, pray or meditate, and allow space for your own healing.


5.       Embrace the “New Normal”

Life after loss will not be the same—but in time, it can hold meaning again. The journey is not about “moving on,” but about moving forward.


A Shared Journey


At Saint Therese, grief is not something to be avoided. It is something to be honored—with listening ears, compassionate presence, and rituals of remembrance. As our pastoral care directors remind us, grief is a sign of love, and love always has the final word.

Shown above (left to right, top row): Duane Bauer, John Ilkka, Beth O'Hara-Fisher, Mollie Dvorak and Mary Lou Swinerton.

< Older Post

Newer Post >

Stay Connected

Search All Posts

About

At Saint Therese, our heartfelt purpose since 1968 has been a people first approach to living well by providing senior care and services where every life we touch feels welcomed, respected, and heard. We achieve this by doing ordinary things with extraordinary love every single day. Contact us to learn more. 

Full Circle: A Serendipitous Reunion at Saint Therese of Oxbow Lake

By Barb Hemberger • October 29, 2025
At Saint Therese of Oxbow Lake, an unexpected connection between an educator and a priest reveals how kindness endures across generations

Love Finds Its Way at Oxbow Lake – Again

By Barb Hemberger • October 14, 2025
It’s not every day that you get to say there’s something in the water at Saint Therese of Oxbow Lake , but maybe there is. Because once again, love has bloomed among its residents. This July, two familiar faces said, “I do,” marking the second time in just a few years that neighbors became newlyweds within this Brooklyn Park community. The first resident couple to marry at Oxbow Lake exchanged vows a few years ago, setting a joyful precedent. And now, Frank Barry and Nancy Cullen have joined their ranks — proving that companionship and joy don’t fade with time; they simply take new forms. Finding Each Other at Home Both Frank and Nancy had lived full lives before moving to Oxbow Lake. Each had lost a beloved spouse — Frank’s wife, Julie, passed away in January 2024, and Nancy’s husband several years before. When Nancy moved into the community two years ago, and Frank three, neither imagined that life here might lead to a new marriage. But as Oxbow Lake Executive Director Christine DeLander put it, “People come from all walks of life and they meet a companion here. The sense of community is strong. Residents take it upon themselves to socialize; every floor hosts its own weekly get-together, and once a month we bring everyone together for an independent living social. It’s very resident-driven.” A Dance, a Smile, and a Second Chance Their story actually began some time ago, when Frank’s late wife, Julie, introduced him to Nancy. The two only crossed paths briefly then, but life found a way for them to reconnect. After Julie passed away, Frank admits he struggled to adjust. “When Julie died, I fell apart,” he recalled. “One of my friends kept saying, ‘Get over yourself and find a date for the senior prom!’” (The Senior Prom was a big event Oxbow Lake held each year.) Eventually, he took that advice and asked Nancy. “She was in a cast, and we still danced,” he said. It was an easy, lighthearted evening that marked the beginning of a comfortable companionship, something steady and kind that simply fit.

A Ukulele Forming the Bonds of Community

By Barb Hemberger • September 25, 2025
Sometimes the smallest of acts, or in this case, the smallest of instruments, can make the biggest difference. This is true at Saint Therese – IHM Senior Living in Monroe, Mich., where resident Jack Schwab has turned his lifelong love of music into a joyful community tradition. Jack’s Journey with Music Jack grew up on a dairy farm in Deshler, Ohio, in a family where music was always encouraged. His mother, who never had the chance to play an instrument herself, worked tirelessly to ensure her children could. Jack picked up the trumpet as a boy and learned to read music, setting the stage for a lifetime of melodies. In his early years, Jack considered the priesthood, spending some time in seminary before realizing his true calling was in community work. He went on to spend most of his career in community action for the banking industry, where he specialized in helping people access opportunities for homeownership and lending. Music, however, was always close at hand. When his first wife passed away in 2010, Jack found solace in a ukulele that had been in his family for years. What started as a way to cope with grief became a source of healing and joy. Later, after traveling to Hawaii with his wife Anne, Jack came home with a renewed passion for the ukulele. By 2016, after retiring, Jack had founded a ukulele club. The group performed in care centers until the pandemic put gatherings on hold. When he moved into Saint Therese – IHM in 2022, Jack decided it was time to start again. Building Community Through Song With the support of the Saint Therese Foundation, which purchased ukuleles and music stands, Jack launched a weekly ukulele group. Every Tuesday morning, residents gather with Jack to learn songs ranging from “Happy Birthday” to nostalgic favorites. Staff members like Cassie Dillon often join in, and Jack encourages everyone to practice a little each day: “It’s simple, and I can teach it,” he says.