Walking with Grief: Insights from Saint Therese Pastoral Care Directors

Barb Hemberger • August 29, 2025

“There is no timetable for grief; it unfolds in its own way, in its own time.” – Unknown


On August 30, we pause to honor Grief Awareness Day—a reminder that grief is both universal and deeply personal. At Saint Therese senior living communities, grief is not an abstract idea. It is woven into the daily lives of residents, families, and caregivers alike.


To better understand this journey, we spoke with five of our pastoral care directors, who accompany people through life’s most difficult transitions. At Saint Therese, we are proud to have full-time pastoral care directors in our communities, ensuring that compassionate spiritual support is always present. Their reflections remind us that grief is not something to “get over,” but something to live with, honor, and grow through.


Grief in Daily Life at Saint Therese


Each director shared that grief extends beyond the moment of death. It includes the loss of independence, the decline of health, the move into senior living, or even the passing of a fellow resident or staff member.


  • Duane Bauer of Saint Therese of Woodbury emphasized the importance of normalizing grief. “What would it be like if you didn’t grieve your spouse? We grieve because we were in relationship. A new normal has to come out of it.” His role, he says, is to listen more than talk, to walk alongside without judgment, and to create sacred moments of farewell such as “sacred sending” rituals for families and staff.


  • John Ilkka at Saint Therese of Oxbow Lake speaks about grief as a deeply personal and non-linear process. He emphasizes that there are no “magic words” to take away someone’s pain. Instead, his role is to listen, provide space, and reassure people that whatever they are feeling is valid. “The simplest thing is, whatever you’re feeling is ok. Grieving takes time, and it’s hard work,” he shared. For John, honoring grief means letting people lead the way—sometimes needing presence, sometimes needing space—and always being authentic.


  • Beth O’Hare-Fisher at Saint Therese – IHM Senior Living often encounters grief during visits, when new residents open up about the loss of a spouse or sibling. She organizes Circles of Sharing, where residents gather to name and remember those who have died. For her, the key is acknowledging loss and affirming feelings without rushing the process.


  • Mollie Dvorak of Saint Therese of Corcoran speaks passionately about anticipatory grief—the mourning that begins even before a loved one passes. She uses books like Tear Soup: A Recipe for Healing After Loss, and The Invisible String to help residents and staff process emotions. For her, grief is not something to fix, but something to witness with compassion.


  • Mary Lou Swinerton of Saint Therese St. Mary of the Woods adds that grief is a life event that encompasses the whole community. “It requires that we recognize that our Saint Therese community is bigger than our specific place. The entire community—residents, families, and staff—grieve. We must recognize this collective grief, name it, and honor it. It may be a sudden death of a resident’s son across the country, a memorial service for a resident’s loss, or even the bittersweet moment when someone leaves the community to be closer to family. Journeying with residents and staff in grieving means understanding that grief is not a one-size-fits-all event.”


Together, these directors show us that grief is not just about endings—it is also about presence, memory, and care.


Gentle Practices for Navigating Grief


From these conversations, five guiding practices emerge:

1.       Give Yourself Permission

Grief doesn’t follow a timetable. It can show up as sadness, anger, relief, or even laughter. Whatever you’re feeling is valid.


2.       Tell Your Story

Sharing memories of a loved one keeps their presence alive. Whether in a support group, a circle of remembrance, or over coffee with a friend, storytelling helps heal.


3.       Lean into Community

As Duane noted, grief is less overwhelming when shared. Find a faith group, a grief support circle, or simply a trusted listener.


4.       Practice Self-Care

Grief can exhaust body, mind, and spirit. Be gentle with yourself. Rest, eat well, pray or meditate, and allow space for your own healing.


5.       Embrace the “New Normal”

Life after loss will not be the same—but in time, it can hold meaning again. The journey is not about “moving on,” but about moving forward.


A Shared Journey


At Saint Therese, grief is not something to be avoided. It is something to be honored—with listening ears, compassionate presence, and rituals of remembrance. As our pastoral care directors remind us, grief is a sign of love, and love always has the final word.

Shown above (left to right, top row): Duane Bauer, John Ilkka, Beth O'Hara-Fisher, Mollie Dvorak and Mary Lou Swinerton.

< Older Post

Newer Post >

Stay Connected

Search All Posts

About

At Saint Therese, our heartfelt purpose since 1968 has been a people first approach to living well by providing senior care and services where every life we touch feels welcomed, respected, and heard. We achieve this by doing ordinary things with extraordinary love every single day. Contact us to learn more. 

Modern multi-story apartment building with a dark gray exterior, balconies, and a paved entrance area.

The “Three Musketeers” Who Help Make St. Mary of the Woods Feel Like Home

By Barb Hemberger • September 16, 2026
The work of environmental services professionals is often most noticeable when it’s not done. Yet these dedicated staff members contribute to nearly every part of daily life in a senior living community. They help protect residents’ health and safety, keep shared spaces clean and welcoming, and handle countless details that allow a community to operate smoothly. Just as importantly, they become familiar, trusted faces for the residents they serve. During National Environmental Services Week , Saint Therese is recognizing these essential professionals and the difference they make every day. At St. Mary of the Woods , that includes three longtime housekeepers with a particularly special connection. Connie Smith, Felicia Smith and Dorothy Clark have each worked at the community for 20 years. Over the years, they have become much more than colleagues. “We stick together,” they said. “We’re the Three Musketeers.” A place to build a career Felicia remembers driving past St. Mary of the Woods before she began working there. “This is where I’m going to retire from,” she told herself. Decades later, her prediction appears to have been a good one. The three women came to St. Mary of the Woods from very different places. Dorothy is from Avon, Felicia is originally from Alabama, and Connie came to the United States from Germany when she was 19. Connie and Felicia are sisters-in-law, while Connie and Dorothy discovered they are only 10 days apart in age. Their children are also close in age. Through years of working side by side, the three have developed a friendship grounded in mutual respect, shared experiences and a genuine love for the residents they serve. “We’re like their family,” they said. “We’re always here.” They also credit their supervisor, Dave Csalos, with creating a supportive environment for the team. “He’s so good,” they said. “We couldn’t ask for anything more.” Work that touches daily life For housekeepers, environmental services work is both practical and deeply personal. They regularly spend time in residents’ homes, where they notice the small things, share conversations and provide the reassuring consistency that helps a community feel like home. For employees such as Connie, Felicia and Dorothy, those relationships have grown over the years. Their longevity also brings something invaluable to St. Mary of the Woods: experience. They understand the community, know its rhythms and take pride in helping everything run as it should. This Environmental Services Week, Saint Therese thanks Connie, Felicia and Dorothy, along with environmental services professionals throughout the organization . Their dependable work, attention to detail and care for residents make a difference every day. ____ Shown in the photo above are (left to right): Connie Smith, Felicia Smith and Dorothy Clark.

What They Built Together

By Barb Hemberger • September 1, 2026
How an ambitious idea, a year of persistence and a shared faith created something remarkable at Saint Therese of Corcoran

Assisted Living vs. Memory Care: When to Choose Each

By Barb Hemberger • June 23, 2026
It is important to understand the assisted living vs memory care debate. Assisted living supports older adults who need help with daily activities , while memory care provides specialized care for individuals living with Alzheimer's disease, dementia, or other cognitive conditions. Memory care includes additional safety measures, structured routines, and staff training designed specifically for the unique challenges associated with memory loss. For many families, understanding the difference becomes an important part of making an informed decision. While both assisted living and memory care provide support in a community setting, they serve different needs and are designed for different stages of aging. If you are trying to determine which option may be the best fit, it is helpful to understand these better. You must know how each level of care works, who it is designed for, and what signs may indicate it is time to consider additional support. What is Assisted Living and Memory Care? Assisted living and memory care are both senior living options that provide support with daily life, but they differ in the type and intensity of care they offer. Assisted living is designed for older adults who remain largely independent but need help with certain activities. These can include medication management, dressing, bathing, mobility, or household tasks. Memory care is specifically designed for individuals experiencing cognitive decline due to Alzheimer's disease, dementia, or other memory-related conditions. The primary difference is that memory care includes specialized programs and secure environments. The care approaches are tailored to the unique needs of individuals living with memory loss. Assisted Living vs Memory Care: A Side-by-Side Comparison To understand the differences better, let us look at a side-by-side comparison of the two levels of care.